Spoiler alert- few lines during isolation – You got to go with the change. There is no other way!
Have you ever had the strange sensation of loving and hating something at the same time? Today I woke up to that total emptiness, blanc, yet joyous feeling of being off, yet in isolation. Because that is what isolation does to you- gives you time off however limits your social contact and regular activities. But no matter how hard to admit it is, in the end, we let loose and learn to uncover, dig deeper and come out of it with the unique gain of giving ourselves the time to reflect.
So here I am, in bed, surrounded by books I have started and never managed to finish, notebooks and laptop. Here I am with that feeling that creativity can come in and that all I have to do all day is to sit in front of the screen, page or whatever that is – waiting. Because I have time. Instead of taking a few gulps of coffee and run out I can now sip my Swiss hot chocolate (!) and enjoy my freshly baked butter cookies and just be. The feeling that resembles those childhood times when all you had to do on a cold, foggy Sunday morning was to eat your honey puffs and watch ´Tom & Jerry´marathon- and nothing and no-one could stop you from doing that because there was simply nothing else to do. Yes sir! I feel just that. Except it isn’t Sunday and this feeling would stretch for the next couple of days as I am in isolation – this time in Switzerland.
What changed since last time I was in isolation? Well, the obvious – the landscape. The job. The people I am around? The first time I was in isolation- and please, of course the longest (can’t forget that one, tell you that!), was on the ship, with Miami in sight. That one was followed by a long awaited home-isolation in Romania, to the green pastures and rainy Germany, and then the one in the UK, baking scones and searching for work. Here I am now, in Switzerland, the land of beautiful mountains and blue lakes. Where I wake up and basically nourish my soul with the beauty of the winter scenery just from my kitchen table.
Of course there was an agenda before yesterday. OF course the positive test did give me a lot of headache and tears of frustration and disappointment. But ! Come to think of it, today, in a more composed state- have to REadmit, REassess, Rediscover – this is the world we now live in. It is almost like a mantra, where I have to keep on telling that kid in me that stamp her feet and always asks ´But Why??? For how Long?` Í just want it to be over!! And then, the adult in me that replies- ´Well, we don’t know hun! Just hang in there and be grateful for there will come better days! You’ve been here before! ´
But yes, welcome to the era ´Where planning doesn’t really end up well most of the time and then´
Then…you realise the obvious. Moments come and moments go. Where once you were a total craze you calm down and just let go. What to do!? Then you just feel you are still here to observe, to process and to learn from all this. Use this precious time wisely. Create, learn, share, and connect. That above all ´have to´s´, ´must have´s´, bullet point lists and agenda entries, change is inevitable – and once past the emotional phase, once you settle and reflect, you realise how strong you really are. To get over this again. (I am very much aware that come to this point I have made a habit of using this word in and out – but to be honest it is so damn true. Change- I mean.)
As someone told me these days – transitions are difficult. You learn that even from kids. How it is that they just like to do one activity they love over and over again. And if you intend to change that to something else, they will just explode. Because, they say, why would you? Transition periods are the basis of the journey ahead – from being so comfortable, so deeply and sweetly placed in that cocoon, you eventually somehow realise that you have gone trough the toughest part of the journey and by the time you know it – voila! here you are – ready to fly – butterfly style- spread your wings and all that.
A big transition for me was leaving the UK and with it, a settled, tranquil life with a rent and a cat that I learned to love that dearly that when I had to leave, it broke my heart. A job with and for people that became a definitive part of my journey, that I would come to even dream at night, as a continuation of my work during the day. It all gave that stability, that eternal, big feeling of ´Hey , I can play this, I am actually good at adulting!´ Just that, the inevitable happened and with that the longing of the heart to be with your loved one. Hence, quit the job, gave the cat away ( My Oliver!), packed my life in boxes again and left the country….to
…A seasonal job at the base of the Swiss Alps in the Valais Canton, where all I can think of every morning is how blessed I am to breathe this air and glance at such beautiful scenery. It is true, I don’t own a cat anymore, but I am still surrounded by two most sweet and furry ones- Coco and Jaffa. My job revolves all around kids, and I thrive at the thought that each day is different and I get to meet new and interesting people. And even though I am not the most passionate and proficient skier in Verbier, I am still planning to do my best and progress to a fair level! Lastly, although I am not with my loved one, we are closer than ever before, and that is a fact. No covid nor mountain can stay in the way of love.
And so, I accept it. Being humbled – by covid – and choose to look at the mountain as a teacher ( covid has been a great great teacher so far but I just find it a bit boring by now). Because its immensity stands above all words I could even start to jot down and because when life knocks you down, you have only two options- you can either stand down and accept defeat, or you can come up and keep on moving forward.
The fact is, there is a timing for everything.
Cheers for that, 2022!
PS. How is ´theisolation´ treating you?