Hi everyone! Some time has passed since I last wrote in here – my daily routine does still include some short thoughts in my diary though. (I can say since this meditation retreat I have realized I am a bit addicted to it heheh)
Around two weeks ago, I have finished my forth Vipassana retreat. It was my second time as a server and I can say that my biggest intake this time was to progress in separating my mind from work – and consequently the ‘monkey mind’ which brought to surface fears of inadequacy, of rejection , of not beeing enough – and the meditation hall, where you have to find stillness, equanimity and acceptance. (in case you do not know, once you have done one seminar you are eligible and even encouraged to serve)
A Vipassana retreat creates an environment where you learn that true meditation is not something that you do at a particular time, in a particular way, in a particular posture and condition. Here you see that your body has to adjust to a continuous cycle of days in which al your physical and mental states appear in front of you – wide variety of personal experiences.
There is a wide misconception that Vipassana is focused on the pain, the suffering, that it rejects the pleasure at the experiential level – sort of taken from the buddhist philosophy- however, it is not so. Vipassana doesn’t tell you what to think – it just tells you to observe. What you will observe is the adaptations and mal-adaptations of certain conditions. The key is not to identify with your observations – the key is to observe and let go.
One more thing I have realized is that we are most of the time looking outside for music, where the music lies dormant inside of us. We expect others to switch it on – as we forgot where the switch is or maybe we forgot there is even one switch we can access. Giving will always have a positive outcome, and as Paul Fleischman beautifully puts it –
‘ The only treasure we take with us is the compassion, wisdom and peace. Good life is life that produces in ourselves and in those around us a feeling of joy, peace and compassion so do what helps others and purify your heart.‘
All in all, Vipassana is the only model that actually suited my needs as someone that never meditated and considered it as an act of spiritualism. I was strong on my position that I was an active person and won’t need to sit to be aware. I was so wrong. We are like rivers. We are flowing and every moment reveals patterns, sequences, meanings, memories that we have put away, that we have negated and forgot they were there.
In this respect and related to my experience I can only say that I have ever since walked this path and realized that real egolessness is indeed one’s ability to learn. I learned to deal with conflict by practicing the ‘pause’ technique – where instead of responding with angry speech, you learn to ‘act’ with the right one, which means you stop the vicious cycle of action-reaction. My search was done. I have finally arrived!
It is with great joy that I share my experience with you and hope that you will be able to take what suits you and drop what doesn’t. The bottom line here is that you will seek, be curious and try to change, to improve, to be more peaceful.
Until next time then! 🙂