The following words come from a different me since the last time we’ve met. ( The green shots have such a huge impact on me hehe ) For almost a month passed since I left the ship and an environment that triggered so many buttons inside me. ( in such a short time so many different lessons learned…)
Seems like I needed some time to integrate them, to give them space and to ground a bit more. What do you think I did for that!? Ran with my dog through the wild fields and laughed and played like a child-
when was the last time YOU did that? Not with your dog but with yourself?
One of the biggest things that happened to me this last period is also to learn to be spontaneous and to flow- what is a FLOWer? Do you think a flower aims or makes a purpose from it being beautiful? If it turns out to be less, do you think it punishes itself with thousand of thoughts of not being, not doing enough for its beauty? No! A flower is- and through its being – is beautiful.
I found that I cannot plan for next month if now is what occupies me fully. So I am glad to see what it brings me and that’s that. I meditated and contemplated. What a joy to be back!
For sure I am sometimes stuck in an unpleasant place where I don’t really want to be any more. But instead of running from something- anything or anyone- shouldn’t I just accept it, look it in the eyes and see its changing nature? I tend to always go back to this-change is the only thing it’s permanent. However it is what we make of it that matters. How opened we are to see things differently from now on? Stop letting ourselves down!
That heaven and hell are here now- we are the main director of this movie and we still don’t fully acknowledge it. Let us remember that. Let us take that responsibility of Choice.
let that wild being buried inside of you come out and play, smile and dance in the rain- enjoy yourself now, now is the time.
Today I ‘ celebrate’ two months since I last touched soil. It was the 10th of March, we were in Key West, US and me and my friends went out for shopping and a well deserved lunch. Coming back I looked a bit melancholic as I took the last glimpse over the place, as if a part of me would say ‘ cherish it now for you won’t get this soon’.
If you follow my posts you already know that since then we have been on an ongoing quarantine on the ship- even the transfer from one ship to the other was with the tenders hence still floating. (Not that there s a problem with that- still better floating than sinking -one thing I know for sure- I am pretty much cherishing the floating too at least till we reach our destination 😆)
earthing is first when it comes to things I miss and learned to cherish in this period of time.
Used to be anxious with every crossing or long periods of time ( mostly two weeks) that we were stuck on board. And what a sweet feeling that was- the moment you get to jump around like a wild animal, take deep breaths, walk around and explore the full experience of being on a steady ground.
it makes sense that nature grounds us and surrounds us with positive energy and helps you raise your vibration. Hence being on land, connecting with the trees, the flowers, the animals around is so precious that maybe at times we take for granted. Sadly, we learn to appreciate thing when we no longer have them.
Of course, floating has its benefits as well as we have created here a bubble.
On the ship this last period wasn’t easy but I learned to connect in a unique, novel way – I took baby steps and learned in the process the importance of movement– haven’t worked out so consistently ever before – admitting to myself that it is something my body as well as my spirit needed most.
The sun -and generally sunlight meant a lot especially when you have no access to a window in your cabin. Then the rain– couple of times we were blessed with it and always felt like dancing as if I embodied the beloved Zorba, dancing and seeing the miracle of the skies!
The people – and how they looked at it- made me realize how we are different yet the same. I have once more understood the meaning of the Mayan ‘Lak’ech’ which is ‘I am another you. Like shopping- we all have the set of products available to buy yet we make decisions according to our own preferences, needs, set of values, vibration.
In this I got better at setting healthy boundaries, and allowed myself the space I needed to be. Oscillating from one mood to the otheras unpredictable as the weather, you learn to just step back and do a restart.
Based on this and correct me if I’m wrong, surely you have felt the same at a point – Isn’t it that when faced with change, when living in uncertain times, you tend to feel alone, to feel left aside, you question your decisions and choices and even judge yourself for arriving at such an uncomfortable point.
Change is frightening. All great things start from there though. ( just thinking back at all those times when I stepped on a foreign land in incredible countries such as India, Peru, Egypt, Iran! – places I always wanted to be yet couldn’t really refrain from asking myself – what have I done? Am I ready for this? Have I gone mad???:))
And then out of the blue, this voice would tenderly whisper – you are not alone Alex! Our biggest human trait is the need to connect– and here I am surrounded by likeminded people- same as me- fearing, hoping, being anxious and even saying thanks for the same opportunities we all get- to be part of each other’s story.
What storyline you are following is completely up to you ( and here we go back to my previous article) – you are the creator here. You might even need some space to figure it out, reminding yourself that the best psychiatric in the world is the one inside you! Allow that space to sit and observe and when in doubt, just remember that we are In this together. Look around and learn to re-connect!
As much troubled these times are, I am sure that all of us can find some good , easy to pin aspects that we can draw attention to, one of which could be a more genuine lifestyle and a definite reverence for the simple things in life. Hope we can at least agree on that!:p
It has been a time to reflect and take it easy for me too, and slowly slowly to align and adjust to the current situation. Align innerly and adjust outwardly. and remember to be grateful even for that which was not there for you. Yeah… good luck with that!:))
On another hand, I observed how easy it is to fall in the trap of victimization– and wherever you look at a point, on the social media, you would see people complaining about how critical they are living and how devastated they are that they cannot go to the mall, honor their vacation tickets or go for a walk in the woods ( random examples-) not that I don’t miss these things yet I have other basic needs to meet before those.
Yes, we all refer to this isolation differently and chances are that you that are reading this article now have a higher level of expectations from life than an Indian mother of six from the slums of Mumbai. Therefore let us not undermine the needs we have and try to rapport to them accordingly. With patience and awareness, compassion and understanding- for maybe the universe has been more kind to us than others.
remember things are not like they seem
So what is the life on a cruise ship these days? Of course situations can differ with the company, the health status onboard, position, even background and life expectancies- as we ourselves are the ones that set the tone to how we perceive the 🌍 so keep that in mind…!
And to make it clear- just because you see photos with sunsets and smashing wavy blue horizons, that doesn’t mean we are at the beach or that we are roaming the city – as I have heard that as well ( although I must admit Miami would have been much more on my taste now with less people/ traffic/noise around- Too bad- it wasn’t meant to be for us, Miami. Maybe next time?) 😆
What was the Focus?
On staying healthy, positive, creative with food, get proper sleep and workout in the open deck whenever possible ( much needed vitamin D). Here I should add that while I have a great respect for the simple pleasures in life, when it comes to food I might be a bit picky- given the available resources- pssst once brought my espresso machine in the jungle and learned my lesson:))) suffice to say that I had to make some slight adjustments. Therefore had to say goodbye to the vegan, gluten & sugar free Alex – she had to bite her tongue and adjust to the situation. The Motto became- adapt or starve 😏 Survival mode on.
Hence yes. Besides the fact that one we were safe ( no case on board), two we were in this together and three had the space to at least walk around and take fresh air ( even if with limited time) there was also free internet that made such a big difference as life for so many days without being able to get in touch with the loved ones would have definitely been a nightmare! And oh- talking about nightmares- kept on dreaming cookies for a while so you Should know what I ll do when this will be over. 🤩
Quarantine therefore also meant social distancing, strict rules and limited provisions. Add to that the vague information, living from one day to the other with no news (basically the situation of the sailors stuck on ships is not that clear to you because the media doesn’t talk about it much -guess it’s just a tiny fraction of the population so just adds up to the general hysteria) and you are actually practicing – uncertainty– the biggest lesson in this past period of time.
Why uncertain ? mainly because of the fluctuations of the spreading of the virus, here in the US – depending on the mood of the CDC ( center for disease control and diagnostics) changing decisions from a day to another- then of course the local governments, closedown airports and the discouraging news from home- wherever home is for you, chances are you were still stuck.
Now let’s take a moment and let’s reflect together on this- when you thought of uncertainty, did it ever cross your mind that you will ever reach this point? Unsure of what tomorrow can bring, of your health and well-being depending on others, on all this external net that now is visibly so linked to your course of life? On your loved ones- when and where you will be able to see them yet not putting them in danger? On your job, on your summer months vacation and all this time you planned for this NOW that suddenly is … cancelled/ postponed until ‘ further notice’ – haven’t heard this expression so many times ever! For the fact that you don’t know where to turn or to whom to get some answers?
I have read this somewhere and it really makes sense to transcribe it here:
‘There is no need to create precise plans because the one who creates is your fixed and limited personality, which relies on your past experience- therefore will bring more of the past into your current life.’
Let us reflect on that and until next time, take a look at your relation with uncertainty and how easy it is for you to let go of controlling the outcome, planning and searching for answers. How easy it is for you to flow like a leaf on a river – a metaphor I use quite a lot these days to remind me ( I admit I am a control freak eh!)) of the natural flow of life.
(Ps. Miami at different times of our stay in port. )
:the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness. 🤓
Hi there! It’s been a while since I last wrote and due to the unfortunate events it feels like forever. You know me, I need time to process life and it’s been a tough period as I believe for all of us. Keeping a diary though and started my second notebook 📒 ☕️ ☀️
I am now writing from my windowless cabin on the ship that became my home for almost two months now. Haven’t gone out for one month though and honestly speaking I miss stepping on land, especially on grass. ( and the trees, and the birds, and the flowers well you get the picture)🤯
Being in quarantine on a ship has its ups and downs however just the same as everyone, you really reach a point when it’s all a matter of attitude. You forget the world situation- you become selfish and the child within starts whining and complaining and demanding. Because you have to be honest- we are all used to a level of confort ( which is of course according to overall situation we are in at the moment. Maybe once home some have to face hunger yet while still here, basic food is nothing to worry about).
On top of that, we all want our families and loved ones around in this harsh situations. We all need warmth and a motherly voice that tells us it will turn out well ( imagine I dreamed I was hugging a dog and I woke up so charged with this wonderful, unconditional energy 🙂
So yeah. In these conditions and now, Adding up the social distancing did not stop us from finding humanity in our rapport. Because yes, it is now when you see the person behind the rank, it is now you see how people cope with frustration, crisis and change. In spite of the difficulties, people will be people. It is not hard to find that we are all the same, have the same fears, same worries, same needs. And once you see that, you will see beyond the ordinary incidents, you will see that at the end of the day, we are all in this together, trying to deal with every day, with every change and turn of events. ( here we know nothing of when we leave- every day basically it could be THE day)
I practice gratefulness daily, I do journaling, meditate, run and still- at times I surprise myself of my thoughts, of this constant need to plan, to hold onto things, to dream, to even get what I want when I want it.
I was doing my journaling assignment today and the topic is ‘ what are the lessons drawn from this past month?’
guess the answer here is resilience- I learned to actually be more mature, more realistic, to be more self sufficient, to be more aware, consume more mindfully and know through experience, once again, that it’s Us that decide what to make out of a situation. As they say- if you receive lemons, make a lemonade.
what are your lessons this past month ?
be safe – be mindful- be loving 🥰
ps. Writing from my phone is not that bad after all 🙃🙏
“And all the lives we ever lived and all the lives to be are full of trees and changing leaves…” Virginia Woolf
October is here and with it, seems like the trees are more beautiful than ever! I like to see autumn as a time of letting go what is out worn, faded and old. I see it as the best moment of the year to meditate on change and how to make life easier, better and more fulfilling.
After a sunny, warm and humid summer, filled with activities, September came and with it – change made its way as well. One chapter was done and of course, some time was needed to recollect and ground myself.
Being home of course is so delightful! Forgot how conforming it is to just be home and slow down. To continue simplifying, be present and do the things I wished doing with the loved ones. This only means so much to me- it is like feeding your soul.
Simplifying, staying present help you align your body with your mind and emotions become something we observe and separate from. Then, of course, focusing on the next step means going back to the question – what kind of life do I want to live? (when was the last time you’ve asked yourself this by the way?)
With more time passes, more I understand that the life I wish living is one that allows me explore my dreams (my writing, my yoga practice, being in nature and helping others – a bit like Tolstoy’s heheh) , one that I can prioritise my mental and physical health and slowly getting rid of everything that doesn’t feed my soul.
A life that allows my music come out in notes that have upper and lower tones as well, but that is mindful and creative, and with intention, helps me grow.
A life where I can practice gratefulness till becomes part of my moment to moment view of the world and helps me see through the little things and make a miracle out of every sunrise.
Observing the changing seasons is a perfect time to look inside and work at constructing unity ‘between the head, the heart and the hand’ – yoga.
Because happiness isn’t a moment in the future. Happiness is here and now. And remember! You are not your emotions, your thoughts, your ego. You are an infinite being, you are light and nothing can change that.
(long time since I wrote my last article – however, gotta say I am enjoying my last days in Italy and even if it sounds like an excuse, I know that once I will internalize everything, it will come out in a big fat boom of an article :D)
We all have good days and bad days – sunny/ grey, joyous/gloomy – right? Good days become better and bad days turn out amazing when we actually get out there and explore, show up. Now, this particular one was sunny- even more than normal. I was sitting in front of the sea, with a friend, both waiting for these overpriced expressos – still, enjoying the shade – and thinking …how lucky we are that at least we don’t have to pay for the view!
The sun was up and no clouds were disturbing its majesty (!) The beach was vibrating with colours and people from everywhere looking for a tan, for their kids to have fun or simply to get some peace of mind. Liguria is a real beauty. A part of Italy that unfortunately is a bit undervalued, however, its long coast, rocky beaches, turquoise water and stunning colourful houses (check out the pictures) – not to mention exquisite cuisine will leave you impressed. Hence, if you are willing to explore, do some trekking and take a bath in these waters, I definitely recommend this route.
This morning, we took the train from Genova to Santa Margherita Ligure, alongside Portofino National Park, walked from there around two hours and we were now in the middle of our way, in San Fruttuoso. We decided to have a short tapas for lunch and a well-deserved, vigorous bath. After that, a well-deserved coffee and we would be on the go for the most difficult part – up to Camogli. ( A good way to go as this time you have some time to rest in the midway and that definitely helps a lot during the hot summer days!)
With the sun and all, I have to say that five hours of walking was a challenge – we still did it and in the end, we felt more than fantastic. Probably due to my East European origins – and the fact that I have a weak heart could add to that – I can admit I am not a keen fan of the heat, especially with such high levels of humidity – and I only go out if I must. But I guess that I had a lot of energy to release so 30 degrees were not that bad after all.
Of course, I am a big fan of walking in nature. I rediscovered the easiest way there is to reflect and forget at the same time, of being in nature and with yourself. I never thought of walking in such philosophical terms, but I guess it does – it has a certain philosophy. It also gives you that peace of mind, that rush of adrenaline all at the same time. There, with the trees, the sea breeze all surrounding you, while you try to catch your breath and feel your heart pumping in your head, it is there that you feel this strong urge to scream of happiness – your body feels independent and uncontrollable – your feet don’t seem to listen and all around you is connected so beautifully.
If you think about it, this is life. You choose the direction and with every step that you take, you dwell on the next and next, and the next – that eventually you reach the destination. For every step is a step into the unknown – you jump from one rock to the other, from one doubt to another, hoping that you won’t fall, hoping that you will remain standing. From ups and downs, from shade to sun and from thirst to quenching it – it is all a continuous change, of trust and to a deeper sense, of faith that eventually it will turn out well.
Then again, we mustn’t forget to respect and learn from nature – we have all the answers we need if we know how to listen, if we give ourselves that chance and if we quiet our chatter in our minds. It is really that simple.
Even that overpriced coffee, in the end, was worth its money, because of the view, because of the breeze under the shade and mostly because of a sacket of sugar that I found on the table that had the following message on it :
‘being pleased doesn’t mean to give up but to enjoy even the small things’
*(following article – On cycles, beginnings and endings!)
‘hope and fear come from feeling that we lack something’
/The whole idea of writing an article about thoughts came to me when I remembered a particular moment from my childhood. I was probably around five when watching Cartoon Network was my favourite part of the day. Even if I did not understand what they were saying in there, I was trying to get their faces, to understand their expressions and why they were fighting, jumping over each other and running around like crazy?
Then, of course, I got introduced to the world of monsters, where all kinds of zombies, skeletons, humongous animals will horrify me to the point that it would make it difficult for me to fall asleep. I have had terrible times after I saw a movie which name I am happy I don’t remember hehe- where this monster was coming out of the bed and dragging the victim in terror with it. ( although I must admit I was not supposed to watch it but heh, guess my parents were a bit late on that!:P) After I have watched it – and of course checked the bed- for two or three nights I had difficulties falling asleep, overreacting at small sounds, imagining scenarios where I would just jump on the piano and off the door (like a real Xena I was of course).
But then, after these two almost sleepless nights ( obviously I suffered in silence like a real hero!) and as my imagination was kicking in, seeing all those characters I just saw on TV- I thought they might just pop out in my room as well. It was then when I have figured for myself that the dark will be dark with or without being scared. That if I would not think of the monsters under the bed, those sounds will still be there, and my imagination could still go wild. If I wanted to.
This was really my first grip into actually making a conscious choice of whether being afraid – or just letting things be, as they naturally are. I understood that if I fed on that thought – if I went along with more reasons on why I should be afraid, it will really happen. I understood that I have to give in, let it be, and at a point, I have to be honest, it even went to I’d rather fall pray on the monster than missing one more hour of sleep!
The same reasoning applied when flying or when being in public transportation. I would analyse the pilot’s voice, again inventing scenarios and if consecutive abrupt moves would follow, it would be enough to put me on fire, and I would start being anxious and thinking about reasons why I am not yet ready to die. Hence, ever since I realized that it is not in my control to actually do something and I should rather relax and ut in the positive vibes for the driver/ pilot, I have come to terms with myself. I know I am doing my share. What else can one ask?
Of course I could go on and on with situations where I felt uncomfortable (a whole bunch of snake species and fluffy, big-mouthed mammals and let us not forget – the ocean!) but still, the conclusion would be the same. I have gradually learned to have a good relationship with being uncomfortable, of breathing in that fear. At the end of the day, it is all a matter of self-discipline and reflection on your own thought-patterns, and once observed, accepted, because it is only through acceptance that we can overcome that limiting self, that self to which we hang on so tightly.
Just think about it
‘to lean toward the discomfort of life and see it clearly, rather than to protect us from it’
-It is some time since I have discovered something really ubiquitous about myself – the eagerness to be in control – to have things as I want. I realized I lack patience and that I should be more self-reflexive in order to understand it better.
The whole idea of letting go might sound to most of you such a cliche – to learn to let go is somehow the unattainable in a relationship, the dream of detachment, something that it’s perfectly depicted in love films but so difficult to put into practice.
When we are bombarded with instances of toxic relationships, when we only hear songs of longing and of incompleteness – we want to own – we want to have something we can call ours – our creation – our relationship – our ideal man/woman.
We want to be complete! In a world that perpetually lacks.If, on the other hand, we look at it as a concentrated drop of wisdom- and as the Buddhist Philosophy concludes – it is craving and ignorance that are the roots of suffering.All one’s disappointments are rooted after all in unsatisfied desire.
We suffer terribly when we should actually reflect more, inquire about the object of this suffering- what is this desire? does it make me miserable? and eventually – what will happen when I will have control over it?Because we do – we want to control everything.
To create flowers that never fade, fruits that don’t rot, faces that don’t grow old…But what we actually want is to stop time. We can’t cope with time very well, with the passing of time, with change and what it can bring – loneliness, misery…And it is a given that once you know you control the present you can predict the future.
Now – your future looks like your past – you lived it and you know it very well. You are not interested in reliving it – but what you want is a surprise – a pleasant surprise if possible! You are eager for the unknown – for that which excites your heart.
Therefore it is that moment when you give up to that intention of power – that it will be replaced by compassion – understanding that by renouncing control we actually evaluate ourselves in terms of the other.
That when we accept our vulnerability in front of the other, we basically state we are the same – humans, sensitive, half-crazy and with so much to give.What you ‘re really asking from them is for them to be. To give and to live you.
It is when you mirror yourself into the other person that you understand so well which are your flaws, weaknesses and where you should pay more attention.
As Alan Watts very well puts it – ‘After all, the more you give up, the more you get it- but you should try more often to let yourself be lived. You will instead get the sensation that everything else is living you.’to be continued)
“Culture does not make people. People make culture. If it is true that the full humanity of women is not our culture, then we can and must make it our culture.”Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
For those of you that do not know yet, I am currently volunteering for a social centre in Genova, working with children from six to thirteen, doing workshops and creating the space for learning, equality and inclusion. Since I have started this project, I learned what it meant to be inside of a small community, a place where we can share, learn and make mistakes while trying to actually inspire, to create, to change and exchange for the better, to welcome and include every participant.
I have learned that any individual can actually make a
change and inspire others through thoughtful action. With the interest comes
the energy. So there I was, organizing, according to my knowledge and humble
experience ( must say I have learned a lot on the way), a workshop for the
teenage girls, a workshop which I did
not want to name but was opened to model
and see on the way – since I was opened for discussions on many topics,
according to their interests.
That is how we started to talk about topics such as beauty,
puberty, sex, falling in love, being bullied and self-confidence. Truth is, it
was not rare to see that they were struggling with situations which they do not
know how to handle (and why not admit – there were also situations when I also
did not know how to J)
and of course that they had lots of questions.
I thought to myself how lucky they were to have someone to share their queries and ask for advice – not many of us did when we were their age. So I started to feel responsible, do my best and, as they say –try to ‘show up’ – authentically. Times have changed and these days teenagers are assaulted with so much information, where cultural standards brought from their home country stand in sharp contrast with the European ones and of course, create insecurities and lack of confidence. Or if from Europe, they sometimes are coming from families that do not have the time and the attention required to listen or guide. Because yes, sometimes just listening can do miracles. Furthermore, seeing that your opinion counts- is a first step in creating that strength.
At the same time I realized that so many other girls might just need the same, and that we are responsible, each and every one of us, to tell them – that one day – they will become someone, that life is not a fight, but an act of love, and most importantly that they are not alone. Us women sometimes are too harsh on ourselves, we tend to always compare, evaluate and even rival with other women. Where it should be just the opposite. Now more than ever we should support and sustain each other, to understand that making mistakes is a process of learning and that questioning and sharing ideas on beauty and life in general – could only lead to one conclusion – to learn to be ourselves.
And of course, that is strongly linked with knowing, accepting and loving who you are. It is easy to say – love yourself – it is more difficult to put it into practice. And how do you even do that when you are at an age when there’s a revolution starting inside of you, where beauty ideals are so rigid and influenced by media and where you only want to have that perfect hair and body, those cool clothes and the attention of the boys in class?
I believe though that education is key here and not education in the strict, rigid sense, listening, allowing and teaching girls to trust in being themselves, to find their own voice, in spite of what others might say or think.
Finally, I guess the lessons I wanted to share are – to take a break, to play, to experiment, to connect and learn from each other. I also know that these workshops have helped me see that I have my share of responsibility – to give back and to align who I am with a higher purpose. I think this is something that each of us could do – if we have the intention and if we want a better future for the next generations.
It has been a while now since I have started to reflect and observe my ways of expression through words. Even in writing, I tend to simplify what I have to say, I use fewer words in order to express something ( I have become a bit bored of polemics) and at times even overthink what I am about to say – so that I eventually end up not saying it – since I feel it really doesn’t matter. In all this process, I understood that previously, I wasn’t always listening to myself when talking – and I have reached a personal conclusion – that using words wisely is an act of self-observation and actually improves and brings clarity to our relationship with others. Also, it is more time-effective to be brief, straightforward and precise when speak or write as only in this way we would give real meaning to words.
So yes, coming back to myself, I believe that it is good to slow down a bit and think twice what I am about to say. Also, it is quite useful to reflect on my talking patterns, on those small talks and those comments that maybe will not be received well, or even, will not be considered as relevant as I might intend. I am thinking here even at that random ‘how are you’… It is true – some people just use it as a kind of intro to what they have to say ( so disappointing though) however when I actually expect some answer in return, somehow I feel that it was not taken seriously, or even I get the impression that I am actually considered superficial, along with the first category. That is why I try to choose my words carefully as each and every word is a symbol, that translated through someone else’s experience might have a different impact and paint a different colour.
We make language
Language doesn’t make people – people make the language. Sometimes we forget that we are the creators, we have the power to decide and control what comes out of our mouths. How many times we just couldn’t help it and, in the heat of the moment we said something we shouldn’t have and we hurt the other?
Furthermore, I believe we are not out of examples of people who talk for the sake of hearing themselves, that go round in circles and elaborate in so many words that the substance, the meaning, remains still a question mark. Now, just draw the line and think – how time-consuming is our failure to express what we really feel, in having to readdress what we have just said or apologize for the hurtful words?
Listen to understand first
It is true, it is also important to listen, as many times I found myself being wrongly understood yet the problem was with the listener not with the message per se. Unfortunately, so many times we are swept in these ‘societal’ currents of friends, education, work and generally, mundane matters which completely turn ourselves into machines, into characters in our own life like ping-pong balls.
It is not only that we don’t participate in our own life, we even create situations that reflect that and at a closer look, support the superficial, the frugal and the perennial. That is how we are constantly indulged into this kind of defensive listening which is not REAL listening since the essence is missed – but which is only focused on the answering back, on who has the last word. It’s like an ego contest.
Remember – Silence is a blessing
All in all, I guess it all comes to asking ourselves – ‘what is it that I want the others to think, to understand – from what I have to say?’ and ‘how can I make the message accessible for the person in front of me?’ (the fact that you have a top-notch vocabulary does not mean that you have to expect everyone else to understand your academic language)
Having clarified that once and for all – you have taken the first step to giving value to your speech. Then, you can actually start to appreciate and see silence a bit differently. Of course, there are moments when being silent is not the best of ideas (interview, oral exams or maybe even your in-laws heheh) however still! I feel that nowadays, people are underestimating the power of silence – and this might be again because of the fact that we feel the utmost need to impress, to show-off – and to have the last word. Still – how would you feel about doing a silent retreat? I am telling you – after an experience like that you would definitely appreciate words much more than before.
Practice makes perfect
It is a day to day work though, this self-observation, however, once you will get your head around it, you will understand what – indirectly speaking – is meaningful to you when hearing someone talking. You would most probably look for honesty, for authenticity and for that positive vibe without which we would be a bit discouraged or maybe lose interest in a conversation. Now, as any skill, you might need to allow time and effort for this, but mostly awareness. So take some time and train yourself. Begin to see language as the projection of yourself.