On Monsters and Educating Our Thoughts

‘hope and fear come from feeling that we lack something’

/The whole idea of writing an article about thoughts came to me when I remembered a particular moment from my childhood. I was probably around five when watching Cartoon Network was my favourite part of the day. Even if I did not understand what they were saying in there, I was trying to get their faces, to understand their expressions and why they were fighting, jumping over each other and running around like crazy?

Then, of course, I got introduced to the world of monsters, where all kinds of zombies, skeletons, humongous animals will horrify me to the point that it would make it difficult for me to fall asleep. I have had terrible times after I saw a movie which name I am happy I don’t remember hehe- where this monster was coming out of the bed and dragging the victim in terror with it. ( although I must admit I was not supposed to watch it but heh, guess my parents were a bit late on that!:P) After I have watched it – and of course checked the bed- for two or three nights I had difficulties falling asleep, overreacting at small sounds, imagining scenarios where I would just jump on the piano and off the door (like a real Xena I was of course).

But then, after these two almost sleepless nights ( obviously I suffered in silence like a real hero!) and as my imagination was kicking in, seeing all those characters I just saw on TV- I thought they might just pop out in my room as well. It was then when I have figured for myself that the dark will be dark with or without being scared. That if I would not think of the monsters under the bed, those sounds will still be there, and my imagination could still go wild. If I wanted to.

This was really my first grip into actually making a conscious choice of whether being afraid – or just letting things be, as they naturally are. I understood that if I fed on that thought – if I went along with more reasons on why I should be afraid, it will really happen. I understood that I have to give in, let it be, and at a point, I have to be honest, it even went to I’d rather fall pray on the monster than missing one more hour of sleep!

The same reasoning applied when flying or when being in public transportation. I would analyse the pilot’s voice, again inventing scenarios and if consecutive abrupt moves would follow, it would be enough to put me on fire, and I would start being anxious and thinking about reasons why I am not yet ready to die. Hence, ever since I realized that it is not in my control to actually do something and I should rather relax and ut in the positive vibes for the driver/ pilot, I have come to terms with myself. I know I am doing my share. What else can one ask?

Of course I could go on and on with situations where I felt uncomfortable (a whole bunch of snake species and fluffy, big-mouthed mammals and let us not forget – the ocean!) but still, the conclusion would be the same. I have gradually learned to have a good relationship with being uncomfortable, of breathing in that fear. At the end of the day, it is all a matter of self-discipline and reflection on your own thought-patterns, and once observed, accepted, because it is only through acceptance that we can overcome that limiting self, that self to which we hang on so tightly.

Just think about it

‘to lean toward the discomfort of life and see it clearly, rather than to protect us from it’

On Letting Go

(one of those sparks)

-It is some time since I have discovered something really ubiquitous about myself – the eagerness to be in control –  to have things as I want. I realized I lack patience and that I should be more self-reflexive in order to understand it better.

The whole idea of letting go might sound to most of you such a cliche – to learn to let go is somehow the unattainable in a relationship, the dream of detachment, something that it’s perfectly depicted in love films but so difficult to put into practice.

When we are bombarded with instances of toxic relationships, when we only hear songs of longing and of incompleteness – we want to own – we want to have something we can call ours – our creation – our relationship – our ideal man/woman.

We want to be complete! In a world that perpetually lacks.If, on the other hand, we look at it as a concentrated drop of wisdom- and as the Buddhist Philosophy concludes – it is craving and ignorance that are the roots of suffering.All one’s disappointments are rooted after all in unsatisfied desire.

We suffer terribly when we should actually reflect more, inquire about the object of this suffering- what is this desire? does it make me miserable? and eventually – what will happen when I will have control over it?Because we do – we want to control everything.

To create flowers that never fade, fruits that don’t rot, faces that don’t grow old…But what we actually want is to stop time. We can’t cope with time very well, with the passing of time, with change and what it can bring – loneliness,  misery…And it is a given that once you know you control the present you can predict the future.

Now – your future looks like your past – you lived it and you know it very well. You are not interested in reliving it – but what you want is a surprise – a pleasant surprise if possible! You are eager for the unknown – for that which excites your heart.

Therefore it is that moment when you give up to that intention of power – that it will be replaced by compassion – understanding that by renouncing control we actually evaluate ourselves in terms of the other.

That when we accept our vulnerability in front of the other, we basically state we are the same – humans, sensitive, half-crazy and with so much to give.What you ‘re really asking from them is for them to be. To give and to live you.

It is when you mirror yourself into the other person that you understand so well which are your flaws, weaknesses and where you should pay more attention.

As Alan Watts very well puts it – ‘After all, the more you give up, the more you get it- but you should try more often to let yourself be lived. You will instead get the sensation that everything else is living you.’to be continued)